Starlight
by ceremonialstar
Summary: Jessamine Shepard, Paragon, finds herself disorientated after the battle on Earth and choosing to destroy the Reapers. First chapter in a few of the aftermath of ME3. Shepard/Liara Rated M for later Chapters R&R if you please. All rights to Mass Effect and its characters obviously with Bioware. I do bend the rules a little with this story, but I hope you enjoy it! Thank you x
1. Jessamine Shepard Waking Up

**Chapter One - Jessamine Shepard**

It was suffocating; layer upon layer of rubble crushed my chest. I couldn't move my legs, couldn't feel them properly. I couldn't hear anything other than a tinny ringing in my ears, a soft echo in what was otherwise radio silence.

It was dark, so dark. I tried to open my eyes. Dust fell from my eyelashes, sticking to my tear ducts. I shuddered as I breathed in, my body racking in pain as my lungs attempted to fill with much needed oxygen.

What the hell had happened? Everything was a jumble, a mess. If only the pain would stop…

"Jessamine! I found her!" The familiar voice sounded close, I couldn't tell properly because I couldn't see past the metal plate barely an inch away from my nose.

"Liara?"

"Shepard." A hand found mine in the rubble. "We're going to get you out." I felt some of the weight being removed from my chest – I choked a little as it got lighter. "We daren't use biotics. Garrus as Tali are helping to move it now." Liara hesitated, "Jessamine…we can move quicker if I help, we don't know the extent of your injuries…" She gripped my hand tightly and made as if to go.

"Don't, please. Stay." My voice came out raspy, dust coated the sides of my throat, tickling me as I forced each word out.

"Of course." I heard the frustration in her voice. She wanted me out, the logical part of her knew that I would be free quicker if she helped. I knew if she had been alone when she had found me, she wouldn't have stopped working until I was free and safe. The archaeologist in her would think of me as the most precious find, untrusting in the idea that anyone else would treat me as delicately as she would.

"I need you here, T'soni." The words slipped out like a command. I was desperately trying not to scream, or cry. If I didn't have her to hold onto… I would break.

I was a mess. Unable to trust my body or my mind. I had absolutely no idea what was real and what wasn't anymore. The Reapers, my choice to destroy them… the little boy…shadows, death, the whispers in my head.

"Where are we?" I ask.

"You don't remember?" Concern laced Liara's response. She lifted the metal away from my face. I blinked, it was still dark. I could barely make out the stars in the navy sky, but Liara was glowing with her biotics, an azure light casting so that I could make out Garrus and Tali beside her.

"Keelah, you gave us a fright!"

"Everyone thought you were dead, Commander." Garrus looked at me critically with an amber eye. Liara grimaced at his words. It occurred to me that she might have believed me dead until very recently.

"Yeah, thanks for getting me out." I tried to sit up.

"Don't." Liara pressed me back gently. "You need to stay still until I can figure out the best way to move you."

Her next words took away what little breath I had. "You're on Earth Jessamine."

I rocked with the revelation. Real or not real? True or false? Honesty or lie? I no longer trusted anything my brain told me.

I shuddered, breath quickening painfully. Oh God. Everything hurt so much. I wanted it to stop, I wanted to stop and be sure of the world again.

"She's having a panic attack." Tali's voice was muffled, like it was underwater.

"Jessamine. Jessamine Shepard, please. Calm down, I just found you again. I'm here."

The last thing I saw was Liara's worried eyes as I slipped into darkness.

_She had such beautiful eyes. _


	2. Liara T'soni As Long As You Love Me

_With each chapter there will be a song with I choose as it's "soundtrack". For the previous one, this song was "Lean" by Oh Land. This next chapter's is "As Long As You Love Me" (Cover) by Margot MacDonald._

**Liara T'soni – "As long as you love me"**

I cradled her in my arms as I walked as fast as I could down the corridors of the Normandy to the Med Bay. Garrus had offered to carry her, of course, him and the rest of the crew were more than likely questioning my sanity at present.

"_Jesse!" I couldn't see the woman I loved anywhere. I couldn't feel her. She could not be dead. I would not allow it. I threw another wave of biotics at the ominous shape of the Reaper above us._

"_Liara! Get safe!" I turned to see the woman I loved crumbling under the pressure of another attack. The Reaper focused on a human ship above her, the red beam ripped the metal apart with a deafening shriek, the bulk of the wreckage was falling down…straight onto the red-haired soldier who was shooting her way through a crowd of savage husks._

"_No…" I sprinted towards her, screaming her name. "Shepard! JESSE!" The aircraft fell with an almighty crash, exploding on impact. She was under it. She was there. And then there was only red. _

I had lost my senses, lost my mind in the instant that I believed Jessamine Shepard dead. I had thrown wave upon wave of biotics at the Reaper, I was an unrelenting force. The colours had been red and blue, my shields flickering angrily, whilst the machine had brought its attention to me. I'd pushed myself beyond the limits that I had previously set. I had almost killed myself in my grief.

We brought it down, me and the rest of those who'd seen the attack. When it fell, it had still taken both Garrus and Ashley to pull me off the broken machine. The rest of the fight on Earth was a blur; right up until the moments after the red pulse had ripped through the rest of the Reapers. In the quiet moments afterwards, I'd felt her, and I knew I'd have to find her.

I hugged Jessamine closer to my chest. Her chestnut hair was even more wild than usual, crazed curls of it knotting over her shoulders. It must have fallen out of its bun in the battle. Her face…it was so pale, the freckles over her nose looking like flecks of pepper on snow.

The Med Bay doors slid open with a familiar click. Tali hovered behind me, she'd told the others to back off, to which I was grateful. I could not deal with their worries as well at the moment.

"Dr T'soni, I see you have the Commander there. Please could you put her down on the table over there?" Dr Chakwas hurried over. "Ashley radioed in to tell me to expect you."

I let go of Jesse reluctantly. _I almost lost you_, I thought. _Don't you dare ever leave me, ever_. I hoped that she would hear me in her subconscious.

"What's her state?" Dr Chakwas asked.

"Quite a few broken bones, no internal bleeding as far as I can tell." I felt sick. "Doctor, she's in a lot of pain. She passed out just a few minutes after we got her free from the rubble."

"Ah, well I wouldn't worry about that Liara." Dr Chakwas injected Jesse's arm with a large needle. "Pain is something easily fixed."

As she injected the medicine, Jesse's face relaxed, her breathing became more regular. It had definitely had a positive effect. The Doctor ran her practiced hands across her body, checking for the breaks that caused the pain.

"Three ribs, at least. I'm surprised that she hasn't punctured a lung. She's fractured her hip, and cracked her right shoulder blade. Dislocated her thigh…" She looked at me, "I'll have to have a look at you in a minute. She's not in any life-threatening state, but I would rather put this leg back in whilst she's unconscious. You know what a Shepard is like."

I did know; I knew better than anyone else did. I knew Jessamine Shepard inside and out, in more ways than one. I also knew she could be a complete pain when she wanted, especially if it was to do with those in the medical profession.

I nodded, and placed my hands gently but firmly around Jesse's right leg. I didn't want to cause her pain, my body was recoiling from the action, knowing that were she awake… but she wasn't. _Get a grip Liara. _I blinked away the oncoming tears. Steeling myself I looked to Dr Chakwas.

"On the count of three."

One.

Two.

Three.

_As long as you love me Miss Shepard, I will look after you._


	3. Jessamine Shepard Pressure

_Thank you for all the favourites and nice comments. Hope you enjoy the next chapter!_

_Song: "Crystallised" by The xx_

**Jessamine Shepard "Pressure"**

_Disorientated. The smell of oil, burning plastic. Flash. Blue eyes, soft skin under my hands…the smooth metal of my gun, fingers wrapping around the black. Slam. Biotic blue. My shockwaves hurtling husks into the air…hers shimmering as her lips descended onto mine…_

I wake up in the Med Bay, curled up awkwardly on my side, facing the wall. At some point I must have crossed the line between unconsciousness and sleep.

Everything was such a tangle. I sighed.

"Jessamine?"

Liara. Of course Liara would be here. I turned over to find her kneeling at the side of the bed. She took the less bruised one of my hands in one of her own, lacing her fingers between mine. She stroked my face with her free one.

We didn't say anything for a few moments, we didn't need to. I found myself memorising her features again, the delicate blue of her skin, her angel-like eyes, which looked as deep as the ocean, and were so dark then that I felt like I could lose myself just by staring into their depths. I wanted to count each of her eyelashes, kiss her eyelids and cheeks. I wanted to count her freckles with my fingers.

Liara stared at me with the same intensity. It felt like we'd been apart for lifetimes; all of a sudden, I was terrified that whatever had transpired on the battlefield had irrevocably changed us, and that we would never be able to be as before again. I had never felt so alone in my life, and yet, I couldn't find the words to tell her how I felt. They stuck, raw and forlorn in the back of my throat. I tore my gaze away from her.

"Jessamine Shepard, I missed you." Liara tilted my head up slightly and kissed me lightly on the lips. It tickled, reminding me of the butterflies we used to have on Earth. As a child, I used to catch them in my hands before setting them free again – whilst I had wanted to capture the beauty of them, but had felt too guilty as their wings fluttered softly and madly against my skin.

I looked into Liara's eyes again; blue had always been my favourite colour.

"I missed you too, beautiful."

My words released her from her quietness, and her tirade of feelings hit me. "Shepard, Jessamine Marie Shepard, if you ever do that again! I couldn't bear it. I can't bear it. I was so frightened. I thought you were dead-" She sobs once, unable to let go completely.

"But I'm not, I'm here." With an effort I sit up, the pain in my fractured ribs made me feel sick. I took Liara's face between my hands and leant in so that our noses touched.

"Liara, I love you. I fought against the Reapers for you. I took down Collectors for you, I faced husks. I refused to give up on us when you left to become the Shadow Broker. I missed you every day. It wasn't enough to know that you were alive at the base. Did you honestly think I could ever just let you go? I'm not dying any time soon Li, I made promises to you. That is, if you still want that."

Liara gasped; "Don't be a fool Jessamine. There is no world in which I want to live in which does not have you in it." She looked into my eyes sincerely. Sincere, honest and open. It was one of the few reasons that I loved her.

"How did I end up here? I was in the conduit. What happened to the catalyst?"

"Jesse, what on Illium are you talking about?" I leant away from her, all of a sudden unsure, my hands dropped onto the hard mattress.

"The ship fell right on top of you, you were fighting the husks. I tried to warn you, but I was too late…" Liara wrung her hands, "I found you after the batter had finished. Something else destroyed the Reapers. I was too busy looking for your body to observe all of it. It's a miracle you survived."

I felt cold. I knew what had taken out the Reapers, I had. What Liara was describing…I could only vaguely remember it. It was as if someone had placed a thick, heavy veil over the memories, whilst the rest of it…

_The Illusive man drops to the ground, his cybernetic eyes flickering to black. Anderson falls, and I catch him. He tells me that he's proud of me…he dies in my arms._

_The Catalyst speaks in his soprano voice, telling me of my choices._

_Synthesis. Control. Destroy._

_I will die in whatever way I choose. I think of Liara._

_If I choose to control the Reapers, I leave her for them. I leave her for power. If I choose the synthesis option, I am forcing all organic life to evolve into something many of them despise. Without their consent._

_Liara would not longer be Liara. I would leave her and change her forever_

_In both choices I would break her heart._

_So it is the third option, then. Die with the Reapers, leave my love in a safe world, one where she could study archaeology again, not an ever present threat to organic life._

_It would be the only option she would forgive me for._

_I run, I raise my gun._

"I don't remember any of that. I was somewhere else, my body may have been there, but my mind was not."

"I'm afraid that I don't understand."

"Neither do I."


End file.
